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I doubt if anyone still even looks for my posts, it has been several months since I posted. I'm gonna write anyway because this is kind of like therapy for me.
The power of prayer is amazing. I've always believed it but for some reason I did not put it into real practice in my life. Maybe I'm finally maturing as a Christian. Maybe I'm just finally starting to live the way I'm supposed to. I'm not sure why, but I am finally learning how to really pray. I used to pray for strength, patience, love and of course stuff. Now, I had always heard that when you pray for patience, God will not just give you patience, he will give you a situation that helps your patience grow. How true it is. Recently I asked someone that I really trust, why it is that I can speak to groups but I struggle with one to one conversations. His answer was long and honest but not necessarily something I wanted to hear, although I knew he was right. I prayed about it and prayed about it and then I noticed something; I noticed that the opportunity was presenting itself to talk to people one on one about God. Did I feel ready? No, not by a long shot. I just stepped out on that limb and guess what? The limb did not break. I was actually able to carry on a conversation about my belief in God and what he has done in my life. It has been a wonderful experience, a real confidence booster.
None of this has gone unpunished though. I was praying the other day and I was just praising God for all he had done for me. My family, my home, my faith and my friends. I felt so close to God at that moment and it was a great feeling; now for the test. Not long after that I checked my e-mail. I had sent an e-mail to my ex, asking her about dates for our son's next visit to Colorado. In her return e-mail she starts talking about child support and how I need to begin paying a more reasonable amount. I won't dive into the whole relationship with her because it will do nothing to accomplish my point. At first, I reacted as I always do. Angry. We are a paycheck by paycheck household and are usually in the negative every month. God always provides though and we always make it. I currently pay an amount designated in court by my ex. She is angry at me for some unknown reason now and wants to change it. As I prayed about it and spent a day pouting, I realized that this is just another test. No matter how it turns out, I have to continue to give God the glory. God will provide somehow and someway. It is not for me to decide if she "deserves" it or what she will do with the money. It is not for me to worry about how my family will survive, because I know God will provide. He always does. I will continue to pray for peace, love, patience and kindness. My kids are presenting me with an opportunity to learn patience right now! Stop and pray.