My Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
You and only you know how much I love you.  You have given me all I have, including the breath in my lungs.  Please forgive me today because I am a little upset.  I also feel guilty for being upset because, I am upset with you.  I have prayed for forgiveness which I know you have given.  I have prayed for dedication to my Bible reading and you have given.  I have even prayed for other people and, in most cases, you have delivered.  I am not naive enough, God, to believe that you will just answer all prayers without question.  I know that you have your own timing.  I know that I will not always understand why you do what you do.  But God, why don't you answer the most important prayer I have been praying?  I don't get it.  It is not for money, it is not for power.  It is not for any self serving purpose, in fact the greatest benefit would be my ability to serve you better.  Maybe it is a selfish request, at least in part.  Aren't all requests a bit selfish?  My God, you and you alone, know what this request is.  Have you already answered it?  Do I just not see it?  Why does it hurt so bad to feel like I try to align myself with your will and it still does not work out?  I want to scream but I also want to trust you without question.  Please forgive my anger, you know my heart.  You know I love you.  You know that a weak person like me can be angry, but still love.  Please help me understand God.  Please show me your will for me, regardless of the cost.  Amen.