Nice world we have created

I don't really blog on on any regular basis.  I just kind of do it when the mood strikes.  I blog as some sort of confessional cleansing progress. I am not really concerned if you agree with me or not but, I think that I am a pretty normal guy in terms of things that I struggle with.  I get a lot of comments; some good, some not so good.  It is never my intention to offend anyone but if I do, so what.  I don't mean that as harsh as it sounds but, right is right and wrong is wrong.  When I hear (or even make) an inappropriate joke, you may laugh, I may laugh, but it is still wrong.  Right is right and wrong is wrong. 
In the last several months, I feel like I have become more and more disillusioned with this world.  Every night in the news, it is nothing but child molesters and murderers.  Then I go to work.  Still there they are, child molesters and murderers.  I even see the department I work for and see the corruption, mismanagement of money and general indifference of many of those that I work with and work for.  Does that give me the right to just give up and give in?  After all, "when in Rome......."  It is so difficult to see the garbage that this world is producing and not give up my faith in humanity.  From world leaders to the man living out of a dumpster on the street.  Why have we just given in to our own selfish desires?  Is there anyone out there who cares about me?  Is there anyone out there who cares about you?
This all began with my morning reading.  I try very hard to read the Bible every day.  It is what gives me hope and starts my day.  I know that when I go to work, I am going into an environment that is negative and easily brings down many people's spirits.  Starting my day in prayer and the Bible, helps me get through that.  Although, every day is still a struggle, I know what my life was like before I got serious about following God and I never want to go back.  Anyway, this morning I was reading in 2 Peter and 1 John.  I came across a verse that was underlined so I know I have read it before.  This time though I felt like it jumped off the page and slapped me in the face.  1 John 2:6 says "Whoever claims to live in Him, must walk as Jesus did."
Man, for some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Right is right and wrong is wrong.  Jesus stood for what is right and was not deterred if people disagreed with Him.  Even to the point of death.  He rarely argued, he stated the truth, tried to help people, but then left the decision up to them.  He even told the Apostles that if they went into a town and were not welcome, "shake the dust off your feet" and leave.
Today my prayer is to always stand for what is right, never be afraid to voice my opinion, and then "shake the dust off my feet" where I am not welcome.  Time to go to work.

Comfort is Relative

It is amazing what you can learn when you just listen.  I have been on this Dave Ramsey kick lately.  I take that back, I have been on a getting things right in my bank account kick.  It just so happens that I agree with Dave Ramsey on how to do it.  I just got sick and tired of always being broke.  It had become a regular part of my life that I would end the month in the negative.  I was in the negative in my bank account and in many other parts of my life.  Is it just me or does money effect your mood, your relationships and your ability to be comfortable.  I decided a couple months ago that making cuts in our budget was the way to go.  Smartphone?  I don't need you!  Flip phones work just as well.  Home security system?  I just need to spend more time at the shooting range!  Satellite TV?  You must be kidding!  But wait!  Even with all the cuts, I still had no money left.  Then, at the suggestion of my new friend Dave Ramsey, and some prodding from my wife, I decided to make a monthly budget.  I started reading books from Christian authors that discussed the Biblical principals of handling money.  Well, November was the first time in a long time that I had money left at the end of the month.  $3.80 to be exact.  I was so excited!!! 
You know what though, this morning I was praying and thanking God for what He had done for me and BOOM!  Something came to me.  Everything seems to have been better this month.  My relationships, my attitude.  I have even been sleeping better (I am usually and insomniac.)  Is this all because of money?  Could it be that I have found the secret to happiness is money, after all?  Don't be an idiot!  Money has nothing to do with it.  Dave Ramsey says "God's way works 100% of the time."  God says "Commit to the Lord, whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3.
I started handling money God's way and other things worked out.  Awesome!  My motivation could not be greater.  My new budget has allowed me to increase my contribution at church.  Come on God, let's see what  you got!

Thanksgiving for just one day?

I couldn't let a holiday titled Thanksgiving go by without voicing my completely unsolicited opinion!  This particular blog is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters of the "Occupy" movement.  I am thankful for you.  I am thankful that you remind me that working hard is rewarded.  I may not make as much as I think I should but on the last business day of every month, my employer thanks me for my hard work and dedication with a paycheck.  Every morning, I try to take just a few minutes and thank God for my ability to work my job and support my family.  When I get the opportunity, I thank veterans for the fact that I live in a country where through my hard work and their dedication, I can work in any industry I desire and worship God.
You, my friends of this "revolution" as I have heard some of you call it; are motivating me more than ever to pray even harder than ever.  I pray for you.  I pray for those people that are not as fortunate as you and I.  I pray for those people that make the decisions in our government.  I may not agree with them very often, but if you would read your Bible, you would understand that they are put in place by the will of God.  They are there to fulfill His will, even though many of us may not understand what that is.  He calls that faith. 
God tells me, "Kevin, you don't have to understand why I do what I do.  You just have to have faith that I want what is best for you."  My only real "job" on this earth is to trust Him and know that, in the end, God has a plan and when I follow His plan, it will work every time.  If I come up with a plan of my own, as long as it is in line with His will, it will work every time.  If you don't believe me, look up Proverbs 16:3.  If you don't have a Bible handy, look it up on biblegateway.com.
To my family and friends out there - I am thankful for every one of you.  God has brought everyone of you into my life for a purpose.  I pray that God blesses you beyond your expectations today and everyday.  Don't try to understand His plan, just have the faith to follow it.  I love you all.

Life is good!

Those that know me may be surprised to know that I have struggled with pessimism.  I seem to have always had a knack for finding the negative in most people and things.  My wife Karen has been instrumental (and patient) in working on this with me.  I really don't know when or where this all started but I have found that negative thinking is downright exhausting!  It is also a choice.  I have determined that I am going to make that choice every day from here on out.
We all have a choice, right?  I can decide to just sit back and wait for life to happen or.......I can go out and make it happen.  I am sick to death of sitting back,  doing nothing and then wondering why bad things are happening.  I don't keep track of my money and then I wonder why I have none.  I avoid maintaining my vehicles and then wonder why they break down.  I don't keep in contact with people and then I wonder why our relationship fades.  I don't study my Bible as often as I should and I wonder why my attitude becomes bad.  Why are humans (mainly me) like that?  I guess that is one more question I can put down to ask God when I meet him.
In the past few weeks I have decided that instead of trying to control everything (which has proven to be a waste of everybody's time) it is time for me to give up that control and let God run things.  After all, he has a couple thousand more years of experience at all of this.  I am involved with a Dave Ramsey "Great Recovery" class at church.  Dave has a saying that "doing it God's way works 100% of the time."  Now, you can call me stupid but those are some pretty good odds.
So, who's going to join me?  If you have a plan with better odds, please let me in on it.  I'd be happy to give it a whirl.  Also, if you are in or around Pueblo West on Tuesday nights, join some friends and me for the Great Recovery at the PW Church of Christ. (7 PM)

Nice world we have created, huh?

Why is life so hard sometimes.  I mean, why did God make us so that we had to struggle?  Trials, temptation.  Why?  Growing up, I looked at adults (especially those that were Christians) and thought that life was easy for them.  They had money to buy what they wanted, they could drive a car, they were almost always happy; life would be so much easier when I became an adult.  Adults would say "Don't grow up too fast."  Are you kidding me?  I couldn't grow up fast enough.  I wanted to be rid of all the struggles and temptations that went along with being a teenager.  Well, if you are reading this and you have seen your 30th birthday, you know that my thinking was not just a little off the mark!  Being an adult is somewhere around 87.3 times more difficult than being a teenager. (Sorry, that is not a scientific number - I just made it up!)  After all, is there peer pressure as an adult?  Drive the right car, live in the right house, have all the right toys.  Somehow the American dream has become synonymous with incurring huge debt.  Even the government can't get it right so how in the world can we expect the newer generations to figure it out (sorry, I started getting political and I have always promised myself I would not do that in this blog!)
Anyway, at what point is this going to get easier?  My guess is, it will get easy immediately after I take my last breath.  I mean, it has only gotten more difficult as I have gotten older, why would it change during this lifetime?  Don't get me wrong, life can be great.  All I have to do is put my daughter to bed and hear "Daddy, will you rock me to sleep tonight?" and I know that all the struggles in life are worth it.  I love my children more than I love my own life.  It is the little things that make this life worth living.  It is watching my youngest son playing with a homemade bull whip and really believe he is Indiana Jones.  It is seeing the smile on my wife's face when I get home from work.  It is hearing my 15 year old son say, I love you dad when we hang up the phone.  God has made my life so rich but the world has polluted our minds to believe that life should be easy and comfortable.  We are sold a pack of lies that life will be better with the next toy or the next pay raise or the next "thing."  We spend too much of our lives looking for the next thing that will make us happy and we walk right past the gifts that God gave us.  Why do we believe the same world that Jesus said in Mark 13, would hate us?  At 44 years old, I have learned the truth but have to undo 44 years of incorrect thought.  Hopefully I have 44 years left to fix my tiny little corner of this messed up world.  I'm glad that God is patient.

Lucky 13

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary.  Wow, 13 years, where have they gone.  It has been an eventful time though.  We have had our share of ups and downs.  We started off in a small apartment in Huntington Beach.  Then moved to an even smaller house in Norco.  Before leaving California for Colorado, we had Denny.  What a blessing he has been!  Colorado has been good to us but also, not without it's mountains to climb (pun intended.)  Kody (my son) tried living with us for a few months, but Colorado just wasn't for him and so he headed back to California with a piece of my heart.  Not long after that, we were blessed with a little girl, Sarah. My little angel that has completed our family.
13 years packed into one tiny, short paragraph.  There is not enough room on the internet to write about all that has happened.  Volume after volume of rough times and wonderful times.  Every one of them getting us here to this point in our relationship.
God brought us to Colorado for a purpose, I know that for a fact.  I'm curious to see what He has in store for us over the next 13 years.  No matter what it is, I thank Him for giving me Karen to see it all with.  I love you honey.  You are the greatest gift a man could ask for.

The Cost of Living

I was reminded this morning of the cost of living.  Every day it seems as though prices are rising.  Gas goes up a lot and comes down a little.  It cost's more to eat, it even costs more to breath.  My health insurance premiums keep going up and I barely use them.  There is a cost for everything so why should being a Christian be any different?  Luke 9:23 says "Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me'."  Daily is the key word here.  Every day, the cost of following Jesus seems to increase.  But every day the benifit increases also.  This past Sunday, our preacher at The Oasis Christian Church, talked about choices.  We make the choice to be happy, sad, or any other emotion.  It is all a choice.  Just like picking up my cross every day; it is a choice.  Sometimes it is not a easy one; but is is a choice.  Today I woke up tired and would really prefer to take my family fishing rather than to go to work.  I just feel kind of blah towards anything but playing.  Those are the days that I have to remind myself that I have to pick up my cross and follow Him.  Considering the price Jesus paid, there really is no price too high for me.

Trash Talk

This morning I was reading in Revelation.  Now, this is not my favorite book, but since I am reading the New Testament, it is kind of hard to avoid.  I guess it is just kind of intimidating.  Revelation is such a visual book and it seems like a fantasy.  As I read about what appears to be the end of the world (at least that is what it seems to me) I start feeling this sense of urgency to make sure I am living right.  I mean, the way we as humans live, especially Americans, seems to be so far outside of what God wants for us.  This country was founded on religious freedom, but now we can't pray in public schools.  We can't have any religious symbols on public property.  The vocal minority walks all over the rights of Christians every day.  Although this seems to be a political statement, that is not my intention.  This is by far, a spiritual statement.  
I think we all would agree that one day we will all die.  Where our disagreements come from is what happens once we are dead.  As a Christian, I believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with God.  If you don't live your life according to God's will, then to be absent from the body would have to mean you are present with Satan.  Those are our only two choices.  An eternity in paradise or an eternity of torment (those are God's words, not mine.)
Jesus told the rich young ruler in the book of Matthew that just being good and following the rules your whole life is not good enough. EVERYONE breaks a rule at some point in time.  No one can follow all the rules all the time.  We just don't have it in us.  But.......what fees us from this weakness is to drop everything and follow Jesus.  Develop a relationship with Him.  To develop that relationship, you have to get to know Him.  To get to know him, all you have to do is read his book and talk to him.  Most of us already read and talk so why is it that most folks avoid reading the Bible and talking to Him (until they really need Him anyway.)
Why is it that we hold on so tightly to "stuff," either physical or emotional that we are unable to embrace Him? 
 Picture, if you will, wrapping your arms around a giant bag of trash.  For some reason, almost all of us hold onto this giant bag of trash.  Some of us never put it down, some of us put it down for a little while and then feel the need to pick it up again.  It is physically impossible to embrace Jesus while you are hugging your bag of trash.  What is in that bag is different for everyone.  It might be physical trash (toys, cars, houses, money) or it may be emotional trash (I'm not good enough, I've done bad things, I still do bad things.)  If you are like me, your bag of trash has a bit of both in there.  The only way to rid yourself of all the trash is to let God take it from you.  
I read a verse this morning that sort of adds a sense of urgency to it:


2 Peter 3:9   "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."


Now patience is a good thing.  I wish I had more of it.  Although, sooner or later, even the most patient person, runs out.

One Degree

It has been about 3 weeks since my last post.  I am embarrassed.  I have let life take me over......again.  I started my reading program back in January and did great for several months.  Then, life started to creep in.  It's not like I fell away from my faith, Satan is too smart for that.  He just let the business of life start slowly creeping in.  He knew he could not hit me all at once, I would see that coming.  "First, let's get him busy at work.  If I can get him stressed out at work, he will believe that he needs a break.  A break for Kevin means time alone.  If I can get him alone, I can get him away from God."  Satan is very smart.  He even used God to keep me away from God. "What?" you ask, "How is that even possible?"  I'll tell you how.  I spent last weekend speaking at a youth camp.  This is something I truly love doing.  I spent so much time preparing, that I had no time for just me and God.  So many hours spent looking up scripture and memorizing skits, that my relationship with God started taking a back seat.  When I got back from camp, back to the reality of life, I felt overwhelmed.
This morning I sat down and started studying the New Testament again.  This will be the second time this year I have read it through.  Guess who I met?  Yup, Jesus.  He was in there just waiting for me.  He did not get upset with me, he just welcomed me back.
Does the daily grind of life take you over and ensure that you stay off track.  I know I fall prey to that all too often.  The traps of the devil are real, and he is smart.  He knows that if he can steer you off course by just 1 degree, by the time you get down the road, you will be so far off course that it will take all your energy to get back.  Stay on course, my friends.  One degree is all it takes.

Scream

Do you ever feel like screaming?  I just want to explode.  But I can't.  I have to maintain my composure because I am a husband, father, employee, a Christian and every other obligation and responsibility I have.  Who do you go to when you feel that way?.  Friends don't really want to hear it, your kids should not hear it, people at work just don't care.  Who is left?  Your bartender, I guess, if you have one.  Life is stressful.  Why?  One would think that life should be easy.  Find someone that you love, have a few kids work for 30 years or so and then retire.  One lucky day it will all be over and I will finally meet Jesus.  I can't wait to take a walk with my Grandpa Steenbergen.  I never saw him walk unassisted.  I look forward to meeting my grandpa Bundy.  I don't remember him at all.  Until then, I just have to keep plugging away in this world wondering who will listen to me scream.  God.  That's right, God will listen to me scream.  When it comes down to it, he is the only one who cares and the only one that can do anything about it.  Why then, is he the last one we go to.  There just seems to be something wrong with the idea of getting mad at God.  He gave me life, I should at least always be polite to him. I think God understands that we get frustrated.  I think he also understands that we created this mess, we have to deal with it.  Deal with it.

Speed of Lifeo

It has been more than two week since I last blogged.  Amazing how much I miss it when I realize I have neglected it.  This is like therapy for me.  I also love the comments I get from people!
This has been a rough few weeks for me, nothing major, just life.  I have continued to read my Bible nearly every day since January 10.  The last few weeks have just been reading though,  I have not allowed it to really sink in.  It has felt so shallow.  As I look back, the last few weeks have been about me.  I have kept myself so busy that I have not allowed myself to really spend time with God.  You know what I really noticed, it became easier and easier to slip back into old habits.  Complacency, that is exactly my problem right now.  I think that is the most dangerous thing that can happen to a Christian.  If you just say once that "I will study later" or "I'm tired, I'm going to sleep in this week and I'll get to church next week."  Later becomes "I'll read extra tomorrow" and next week turns into "I really need to get some work done, I'll go to church next week.  I swear."  By the time you know it, so many things have crept into your life that God is a distant memory.  Is that how it is supposed to work.  I think I read something somewhere about first fruits.  We are to give God the best of what we have.  That means that it begins with our time and our heart.  I truly believe that if we do that, the rest will follow.  If I give Him the first fruits of my heart, it would only be natural for Him to get the first fruits of everything else in my life.  I'm trying God.  I just keep letting life creep in and become more important than death.  Your death.  I was always on your mind.  When your life got busy, you thought of me. When you were wrongfully accused, you thought of me.  When they spit on you, I was on your mind.  When you were beaten, it was me that passed through your mind.  When you were hung on a cross, You thought about me.  Right before you took your last breath, it was me that you thought about.
Why is it that I allow the speed of life to cause me to forget about you.  Forgive me.

Dead Weight

Have you ever worked with someone that you feel just didn't pull their weight?  I think we all have.  Even my kids complain when I tell them to clean up, "I didn't make that mess!"  My response is always the same.  "Well then, thank you for not making the mess but I need for you to clean it up."  Fair?  Probably not but, how many times in life to we have to clean up other people's messes.  How often do people clean up our messes for us.  The courts are full of people that are there because they can't clean up their own mess and need a judge to do it for them.  Criminals are there because they choose not to live by society's rules.  So we have to clean up their mess.  Couples are divorcing at alarming rates because they don't want to clean up their own mess and they need a judge to clean it up for them and tell them where their kids will live ( I am convicted by my own words.)  Everywhere you look, people want to make a mess and then wait for someone else to clean it up.  Who?  Who is going to clean up this mess.  I think that is a question that God looks down and asks every day.  After all, He tells us in Matthew 9:37 that "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few."  This morning I was reading in James 2.  I have been reading in James for about a month now and this morning there were a couple verses that just jumped off the page at me.  The first was chapter 2, verse19 "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder."  The next verse was just above it.  in 16-17 it says "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed"  but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead."  Almost everyone I know (myself included) believes in God; but very few people I know (myself included) act on that knowledge as often as we could or should.  We all know someone who is dead weight at work or in society.  Are you dead weight in God's kingdom?

How Do You See Me

Have you ever wondered how people see you?  Has anyone told you honestly how they see you.?  Would you even want to know?  Someone recently told me how they really see me and I didn't like it much.  They did not do it to be mean, but I still was not hapy with their evaluation.  Now, my first reaction was to tell them everything that was wrong with them.  I wanted to make sure that they saw things my way and how wrong they really were.  Instead, I accepted it and started what turned out t be a week long self evaluation.  Although, I don't believe that this person was corect in their evaluation, I must be living in such a manner that they see me in a different light than I have intended to present.  How is that?  Why do I want to live one way, but always seem to fall into traps thatI set out to avoid.  One of the things that I like about myelf is my sense of humor.  One of the things that causes me to stumble in my walk with God more than anything else is......you guessed it, my sense of humor.  Too many times I choose laughter and acceptance over what is right.  Don't get me wrong; it never starts out as my intention, but I let it happen.  What is it that keeps a person from doing what they know they should?  Is it acceptance by their peers?  Is it procrastination?  Is it ignorance?  

The Apostle Paul himself, writes in Romans "For the good I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.  

Wouldn't life be easier if we could just behave all the time?   

What's in a Name?

Another holiday gone by.  I love Easter.  Any holiday that is spent gorging myself and hanging out with family is alright by me.  This morning before church, my 6 year old son asked me "Dad, if we have Easter to celebrate Jesus coming back from the dead, why do we color eggs and have an Easter bunny?"  All I could think of was "That's a really good question, son."  It really doesn't make any sense does it?  My savior is nailed to a cross, is dead for 3 days, is actually risen from the dead and we have a bunny hopping around dropping eggs and chocolate all over any grassy area he can find.  WHAT!?  It makes not sense at all.  So, I did what Dennis and I always do when we have a question.  We go to the all knowing internet.  Ends up that this all stems from some pagan ritual where they revered birds because they could get close to the sun god.  Therefore the eggs were very special and given as gifts.  Leave it up to man to turn a pagan sun god ritual into a celebration of the one and only God giving his Son as the ultimate sacrifice for my sins.  Oh well, I guess if it gets people to church, even if only once or twice a year, it does some good.  What good is once or twice a year though.  If you are one of the "C & E" Christians, please tell me.  (KSteenbergen@msn.com) If you can convince me that going to church twice a year will yield the same eternal benefit as me going every week, I would be very interested.  Do you know how much more sleep I could get.  Or how much more work around the house I could do if I was not involved in church?  Sunday morning service, Wednesday evening Bible study.  Putting out the signs every Friday evening (OK, realistically they go out on Saturday morning because I am lazy after work on Friday) and then picking them up again Sunday afternoon.  Then there are the meetings and preparation, summer camp, men's events and on and on and on.  And if all that is not enough, I have this unquenchable desire to go back to school to get my BA in Biblical Studies.  Why?  Can I accomplish the same eternal destiny by going to church on Christmas and Easter?  You are going to have a hard time convincing me of that.  In no way do I think I am better than someone that goes to church twice a year or twice in a lifetime.  In fact, through my eyes, I am a worthless struggling person who screws up more than he gets it right.  But, I continue to struggle.  I will never give up.  I will keep fighting because one day it will be worth while.  I believe that with all my heart.  I have heard it before but my Pastor said it this morning in his lesson; if I am wrong, I have nothing to loose, but if you are wrong you have everything to loose.  When you got married, did you vow to see your spouse twice a year on major holidays, till death do you part.  As much as I would love it, how would my boss react to me coming to work two days out of the year and then using the rest of my time just for me because I am too busy to work any more often that.  If I tried either one of those, I would be a divorced, unemployed person.  My wife never died for me and I know my boss never would.  So why is it we short change God?  Why is it that when it is time to give back to Him, any excuse will do to get us out of it?  What then do we all do when we get into a tight spot?  Who do we call on then?  I don't think it is fair to expect anything back if you are not willing to give.   If you care to debate it, meet me at the Oasis Christian Church next Sunday in Pueblo West (theoasischristianchurch.com) at 10:00 am.  Next debate you can pick the location.

My Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
You and only you know how much I love you.  You have given me all I have, including the breath in my lungs.  Please forgive me today because I am a little upset.  I also feel guilty for being upset because, I am upset with you.  I have prayed for forgiveness which I know you have given.  I have prayed for dedication to my Bible reading and you have given.  I have even prayed for other people and, in most cases, you have delivered.  I am not naive enough, God, to believe that you will just answer all prayers without question.  I know that you have your own timing.  I know that I will not always understand why you do what you do.  But God, why don't you answer the most important prayer I have been praying?  I don't get it.  It is not for money, it is not for power.  It is not for any self serving purpose, in fact the greatest benefit would be my ability to serve you better.  Maybe it is a selfish request, at least in part.  Aren't all requests a bit selfish?  My God, you and you alone, know what this request is.  Have you already answered it?  Do I just not see it?  Why does it hurt so bad to feel like I try to align myself with your will and it still does not work out?  I want to scream but I also want to trust you without question.  Please forgive my anger, you know my heart.  You know I love you.  You know that a weak person like me can be angry, but still love.  Please help me understand God.  Please show me your will for me, regardless of the cost.  Amen.

Why

I love this time of year.  Stuff starting to bloom, cool mornings and warm afternoons.  I get up this morning and my son had weaseled his way into my bed during the night.  He was sick yesterday so I guess he deserves it.  I walk out into the living room and two of the most beautiful girls (my wife and daughter) are sleeping on the  couch.  The looked so peaceful.  I walk over and grind coffee, reach into a fridge stocked full of food and make some breakfast.  I sit down and read James 3-5.  What a beautiful way to start another beautiful day.  Why on earth, would anything ever stress me out.  God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve and far beyond what I ever imagined.  I deserve nothing yet His blessings flow daily.  There is no way to thank Him.  On top of that, He was willing to die because of my sins.  Tonight I was trying to tell my 3 year old daughter about loving others.  She does not yet understand what Jesus did, but I pray with all my heart that someday she will.
There are many people in this world who woke up in a shack with their whole family in the one room in the house.  There were many men that wondered how they would feed their family.  I hope that  some of those people know the joy that comes from knowing God.  The peace that comes from knowing that Jesus died on a cross for their sins, and did so willingly.  I don't know why I have so much and some have so little.  I don't know what I did to deserve so much.  I do know that Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  Why do I try to figure out why?

Cacoon

Why can't every day be Sunday. Sundays are such a refresher day.  For me, it means going to church and recharging spiritually.  Then, hopefully, I can sit around a bit and visit with family or just rest mentally and physically.  Then there comes Monday.  The day everyone dreads just happens to follow the day everyone loves.  Do you think that happened by chance?  I doubt it.  I'm thinking God designed it that way so that we could stand the pressures of heading back out into the world.  Then, by the time we can't take it any more, the weekend is here and Sunday is back.  I guess I just need to pull up my big boy panties a thank God it is only 6 days till Sunday.

Tired

Man, I am tired tonight.  My job is not physically demanding, but it can be mentally draining.  Then I get to come home, help (at least a little) with two little ones and maybe even help clean up dinner.  I am trying very hard to get out of the habit of watching TV.  There is really nothing worth my time.  Internet and books make up my evening and then it is time for bed.  When I really look at it, my life is kind of boring.  Some say that is good, some say that is bad.  It is hard to be passionate about much when you just kind of cruise through life.  One of my magazines I get is from Voice of the Martyrs (persecution.com.)  When you read about someone that has been imprisoned for the mere fact that they were telling others about God, it makes you feel downright spoiled.  I mean, I can talk about my faith whenever and where ever I want to.  No one can discriminate against my religious freedoms.  I can sue you for not letting me talk about God, Jesus, the church I attend or even the Bible. It is my constitutional right.  Then why don't I do it more often?  We cry about our religious freedoms but why don't we exercise them more often?  We cry about the poor and the homeless, why don't we do more about it?  My son has been taking his Bible to school lately.  I asked him tonight if he had shown it to his teacher and he said yes.  I asked him what she said and he told me that "she said nothing, nothing at all."  Is she afraid to show her faith?  Does she not believe in God?  Or, has she become like so many Christians and is scared to share their faith for fear of offending someone.  What is wrong with us?  Pastor Richard Wurmbrand who was imprisoned for preaching the Gospel in communist Romania once said that "there are no luke warm Christians in the underground church."  We are told in the Bible that we are to be either hot or cold in our faith.  If we are luke warm, God would rather spew us out of his mouth.  It is time to stand up and be counted.  No more silent majority.  I am not suggesting to be like the idiot that is burning Koran's in Florida, but, I will not be embarrassed or ashamed any more and just blame it on having a "quiet faith."  Quiet faith is just a euphemism for no guts.  I'm gonna get off my soapbox and go cuddle with my wife now.

Happy Monday

I have never been one to get too awful wrapped up in dreading Monday's.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my Fridays and the weekend beats a day at work anytime.  In reality though, it is what it is, I have to work, so why dread what logically has to happen.  I have been reading two awesome books this month.  My morning study time has been in the book of Acts (one of my favorites,) and my recreational reading has been a book by Max Lucado called "He Chose the Nails."  Both have been thought provoking and emotional for me.  In Acts, I just read chapters 21-22 this morning where Paul goes back to Jerusalem even though everyone was begging him not to.  A prophet even predicted that Paul would be arrested and bound by his hands and feet.  He went anyway.  He went to Jerusalem knowing that it may possibly cost him his life.  All for the love of Jesus.  In Lucado's book, I am less than half way through but, wow, what an awesome book.  He talks about how Christ allowed himself to be crucified.  I don't know of too many active believers that had not already thought of that but, he breaks it down through the entire process.  Have you ever been spit on?  I have.  Unfortunately, my career choice has landed me in an environment that puts me in a position for people to spit on me on occasion.  Sometimes even worse, but that is a whole other story!  Anyway, there are not too many things that anger me more than being spit on.  It does not cause injury but it is degrading.  It is demoralizing.  It shows utter contempt, disrespect and disregard  for the person being spat on.  The God I serve, came down from the paradise of Heaven and endured the discomfort of this world.  He endured the heat of a terrible summer day.  He endured the cold of the night while sleeping on the ground.  How many of you would leave paradise and be homeless for me?  Nobody, well maybe one of you?  Now let's up the anty.  Who out there would allow people to beat you on the head with a rod, strip you naked and spit on you..............all for something I did?   That's what I thought.  Monday's not so bad.

Not Better......Different

OK.  So I'm sitting here typing out a blog before I go to work right?  Just as I'm about half way through, a power surge shuts down my computer. I lost about half of it but now I have to wait for the computer to re-start. I don't have time for this.  I have to get Dennis ready for school and finish getting me ready for work.  My time is precious!  Then I think to myself, are you serious.  Why is my time so precious?  Why is my time any more important than anyone else's?  I get so frustrated at people speeding down McCulloch into my kid's school zone. They pass on the shoulder.....IN A SCHOOL ZONE!!!!  That is because everyone thinks that their time is more important than mine.  They should not have to wait for me or anyone else.  I have always heard that, as a Christian, I should be different.  I should not be like everyone else.  Trust me, to those who know me, I am not like anyone else;  but not in the way I should have been.  I have no issues being different.  Why then is it that when you ask most folks about me, they will mention my sense of humor or my work ethic or my kids?  Not too many people would say, "man, that guy loves Jesus!"  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having any of those things, but I want to be known as someone that has a passion for people and serving Jesus.  I don't want to be "a better person"  I want to be DIFFERENT.

Goodbye to friends

Today I said goodbye to a family I admire very much.  Some friends of mine are going off to be missionaries in New Zealand.  I will miss them for several reasons.  Number one, God has worked through every member of this family to make me think, laugh and help me learn about myself.  Now when Michael first told me that he was thinking about moving to New Zealand, it was sad but not a shock. The more I got to know him over the years, the more I knew that his days in Pueblo West were numbered.  I knew that God would call him somewhere, but New Zealand?  Come on, what a cop out!  Missionaries go to Africa or China.  Someplace where they will suffer, right?!  Then I started reading about New Zealand.  Wow!  Geographically, I can think of worse places to go but spiritually, holy mackerel!  In fact, just a couple days ago I read an article on Fox News.com that listed New Zealand as one of the most non-churched countries in the world.  The headline read "Is Religion Dead?"  I know that they are going to have their work cut out for them but, I can't think of a family better suited for this task.  David, their oldest, is one of the most Godly teenage young men I have ever met.  Today he was showing me his new Bible and when he talks, you know this guy knows his stuff.  He is awesome.  As far as the rest of the family, words can't describe the example they have been to me.  I had the pleasure to teach Sunday school for Titus and Maddie for a while.  They always made me smile and were two of the reasons I continued to teach for longer than I had wanted to.  They are special kids, all three of them.  Then there is Nancy.  Nancy is an inspiration.  I can't imagine if my spouse came home and told me that they wanted to move out of the country and start a church.  Even with all her reservations, she allowed God to move in their lives and submitted.  Not many wives would do that.  She has always been an honest and caring person.  And I should mention that she always made me laugh (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not!)  Then there is Michael.  I can barely type this without tears coming to my eyes.  Michael has been there for me every time I needed him.  He loved me enough to say "I love you so I can say this."  You knew that meant "hold on, cause your probably not going to like this"  but he meant it.  If he loves you enough to say that, you are a very lucky person.  Michael taught me that God has worked through him to make me a better Christian.  Not once did he take one ounce of credit for himself.  I didn't always agree with him, but he would always respect my opinion and, when appropriate, point out in scripture why I was wrong.  He gave the best advice I have ever been given.  There is one reason and one reason only for that; Michael speaks with Bible scripture in his heart.  The greatest gift he gave me was a love for the word of God.  I wish I would have listened to him sooner but I finally got it.
I love and will miss every member of this family but I praise God for the work they will be doing in New Zealand.  If you get the chance go to www.graykiwis.com and show them some support.
One last thing......I will be praying for the people of New Zealand.  They have know idea what is coming their way.  The Grays are going to turn their world right side up!  I love you guys!

Trust through verification

One of my all time favorite movies is The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston. I remember watching it as a kid many times. My so has recently been learning a lot of Old Testament Bible stories and he soaks them up like a sponge. I have so much fun listening to him tell me about them like he is teaching me for the first time. On a couple occasions he has stumped me with questions and facts I did not know. We always looked them up to confirm them together. Well, I come home from work yesterday to see The Ten Commandments DVD in front of the TV. I was so excited because I had been wanting to watch it with my son. I wanted to share something from my childhood with him. As we were watching it, he announced very matter of factly, that Moses' wife was black. He went on to be very descriptive of just how black she was. Now, this concerned me a bit because I had never heard that before. I disagreed with him but he was adamant that Moses' wife was indeed black. Now, I am not above learning something from my son and I am not altogether too concerned about what color Moses' wife was but, when it comes to Bible scripture, I want to know the facts. I asked my son where he heard this and he said that his Grandma had told him. This raised a couple red flags because she and I don't always agree theologically but his Grandma is pretty good with her Bible stories, so I just had to know. I started researching it online and found that in the King James translations, which has been found to be full of translational mistakes, it refers to Moses being married to an "Ethiopian." Thus the belief that he was married to a black woman. Now, on the face, that would be a logical assumption but, the Greeks used the word Ethiopia to represent the land of Cush. Cush is even described as far back as Genesis and, by the description would be in southern Iraq. Southern Iraq is a long way from Ethiopia and has an entirely different race of people. The New International Version and many other versions, describe Moses' wife as "a Cushite." The color of Moses' wife is not so much my point here. My point is, when it comes to your salvation and the validity of the Bible, never, never, never take someones word for it. Study, read and confirm what someone tells you about the Bible. You know what they say about opinions.......everybody has one and they all........well, you know. I repeat; trust through verification.

Boldness

For the next few weeks, I am studying Acts. This morning I was in chapters 3 & 4. I was struck by the boldness of the early church and the complete indifference of the Pharisees. One day Peter and John heal a crippled beggar. The Pharisees admit that they know a miracle has been performed and yet the best defense they could come up with was to tell Peter and John to stop talking about Jesus. Like if they would just shut up, this would all go away! Then, in chapter 4 verse 29, the people of the early church were led to pray for boldness, because of the Pharisees threats! Get threatened, speak louder! Man, I want that kind of heart. I think of martyrs and persecuted Christians all over the world. China, Burma, the Philippines, North Korea; persecution makes them stronger!!!! Why do we work so hard to avoid something that will make us stronger? I am tired of hiding.

Questions

How is it I can go to church, feel so convicted and then drive away and start leting things bother me? Today we talked about how a person that reads God's word and then does not do what it says is like a person that looks in a mirror and then walks away and forgets what they look like. So often, I feel like I forgot what I look like. It seems like the kids know the exact moment to start fighting or exact moment that a shrill scream will send chills up my spine. My wife knows the exact perfect thing to say or do to annoy me. Do I think they do it on purpose. No, not at all. Do I think the timing is due to my own weakness and the enemy trying to make sure that I don't keep walking on the path that God wants me on? Life is a struggle. Occasionally it seems like more than I can handle; although I know that "through God, I can do all things that strengthen me" and that He will never give me more than I can handle. Like at this very moment I would like some quiet contemplative time but I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old struggling to get my attention. Guess I will take the time and praise God that I have beautiful, healthy children and give them the time they need.

Finally, progress

It has been a long time since I blogged. I have really missed it. If you are reading my blog for the first time, please respond; I love to hear what people think!
I grew up going to church. My family was always active with our local congregation. After I left home in 1985 (that's right, almost 26 years ago!) I did not really attend church regularly until about 2000. Even then, I just went to church. I didn't study my Bible, I wasn't active in church and I still pretty much lived the same way I did when I did not go to church. Even in the last several years, while being active in my church and attending every Sunday, I still did not live the way I should with the consistancy that I should. On January 10th of this year, I started a bible reading program. Now, I had tried several reading programs and even tried to make some up on my own. I have never stuck with it. Even when I led a weekly Bible study in my church, I did not read daily. Well, I started this new program on Jan 10th and since then, I have read every day (except for a couple here and there) and in that time, I have read the entire New Testament and the Old Testament history books. This is a huge accomplishment to me. The strangest thing though is, it has changed my thought process. I looke back at my last blog from several months ago and can honestly say that things that I used to struggle with, are no longer such an issue for me. It still takes work, but I now have more self control than I have ever had in my life. It feels great! I am finally figuring out that life is a refining process and I need a lot of refining. I have allowed a lot of crap to come into my life. Now, like any refining process, I am trying to get the crap cleaned out. As soon as some junk surfaces, I scrape the scum off and start all over again. Just as I am foolish enough to believe that I am making headway, more crap surfaces and I have to deal with it and scrape the scum off the surface. It is a long, tedious and sometimes scary process. I don't always like it, but it is neessary and every time I confront an issue head on, with the help of God, I feel stronger every time. I recently had a major issue arise and I reacted to it with nothing but anger. I could not control it, so I may as well explode and yell at it! After praying about it and really meditating on the issue I heard voices. Yes, I said I heard voices! Now before you send for the guys in white coats and the electric shock therapy, they were good voices! One voice was God telling me that I had to have unconditional love. The other voice was that of a counselor that I had seen a while back. She said, you can't truly control another person so, decide what you are going to do if they aren't going to change. In other words, give unconditional love and it is what it is, so deal with it. Trust God to deal with the rest. So far so good. With the strength from God, it will only get better. See you next time.